I woke up to hear the constant drip from the downspout outside my window. My first thought was, “Please don’t make me get out of bed!” It had been an incredibly busy few weeks with lots of travel and little sleep. It seemed like I was being pulled from every side trying to meet everyone’s needs around me… except my own.
It’s funny how we can be so busy extending the love of God that we forget we need to take time to just be in His presence.
Call it a mom’s heart, or a minister’s heart, I love to love on people. But this early rainy morning I woke up feeling empty and somewhat depressed. “God, how can I help others when I feel so alone and tired?” I began recounting the ways in my head that I wasn’t cut out for the calling God had placed on my heart. Each thought brought more despondency and the feeling that I couldn’t move off the pillow. My to do list began to play before my eyes, but I just wasn’t having it. Not today. Not on this cold, dark, rainy day.
Then, quietly, the Lord began to speak. “I have promised never to leave you nor forsake you.” I chose to come into agreement with the Spirit… “You are right Lord, thank you for being ‘God with us’, and for being close right now.” The silence broke again as I heard the Spirit of God speak, “I have promised to meet all your needs.” A tear gently flowed down my cheek, “Thank you Jesus, you have been so faithful to me.” But just as quickly, a thought went through my head… what if I fail? What if I’m not good enough? What if I disappoint those around me?
I reached for my Bible and instinctively turned to Psalm 139. There it was. He knows me...inside and out. He knows when I sit and when I rise. He wove me together in my mother’s womb. He knows every detail of my being! I then became captivated by these verses.
“How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! 18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You.” Psalm 139:17-18
When I awake, I am still with you… The thought reverberated through my head. Yes, even on these dark, dreary mornings, He is still with me, never leaving me, and I am still with Him! He is the constant that keeps me consistent. He is the steadfast love that keeps me steady. I am not alone, He is with me and I am still with Him! I still didn’t “feel” like getting up, but as these thoughts went through my head and began to melt down into my heart, I made a choice. I threw the covers off and prayed, “God, I am still with You!”